Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Moo Kiss Torture

This is something fairly old that I had posted on one of my first attempts at a web site. I just read through it again and must say, I still think I'm hilarious! To give some background so its perhaps more understandable, this is an online chat conversation I had late one night with a friend of mine. I am "Farfignugen the Fish" and he is the "Glutton for Punishment" (thusly renamed because of this very conversation.) Everything between the "*" is something we are "doing", say, if we were in the same room or the "stage directions." So, as our conversation progresses, its like reading a play with all the stage directions and dialogue. Anyway, like I said I just read it again and it STILL makes me laugh, so enjoy!


The MOO KISS
By Rebecca Carter & a glutton for punishment

FARFIGNUGEN_THE_FISH: heyowdy
GLUTTON_FOR_PUNISHMENT: hello … I didn't see you come on
FTF: darn, I should have said BOO
GFP: yep...you missed your chance
FTF: darn *laments*
GFP: you'll just have to try again some other time
FTF: *tip toes out of the room*
GFP: *watches you closely*
FTF: *goes around the corner where she can't be seen and waits for you to be distracted*
GFP: *follows you to the corner, making sure to see you clearly at all times*
FTF: *pretends to be reading something posted on the wall*… *whistles innocently*
GFP: *walks over to you and tries to see what you're reading*
FTF: *evil smile*
GFP: *stands directly behind you lightly blowing on the back of your neck and chuckling evily*
FTF: *shivers, then quick as Rebecca lightening turns around and give you a MOO kiss.... runs away*
GFP: umm.. a MOO kiss??
FTF: *evil laughter comes from around the corner*
GFP: what exactly is a MOO kiss??
FTF: *more evil laughter bordering on hysterical*
GFP: *walks around the corner and glances at you quizzically*
FTF: *hands you a #2 pencil*
GFP: umm...thanks
FTF: no problem… *adjusts the buckles on her straight jacket*
GFP: *tightens the buckles down*
FTF: *starts to get claustrophobic, foams at the mouth*
GFP: *promises you loosen then as soon as he knows what a MOO kiss is*
FTF: *starts to twitch*
GFP: *sighs, and loosens the buckles a little bit*
FTF: *stops foaming*
GFP: now...about that "MOO kiss"
FTF: *raises an eyebrow*
GFP: what is it exactly??
FTF: it is a word, a pronoun
GFP: meaning what??
FTF: it? well it takes the place of another noun, so you don't have to say "door" every time... once you say door you can replace the word door with the pronoun, "it"
GFP: *tickles you mercilessly*
FTF: *can't get away, at a disadvantage in the straight jacket*
GFP: so...what is a MOO kiss??… other than being a pronoun… or a word
FTF: MOO kiss isn't a pronoun, its a noun... or a verb I suppose
GFP: but you said it was a pronoun
FTF: it is a pronoun
GFP: *tickles you mercilessly*… ok...what is a MOO kiss...other than a word, verb, or noun… IF it is a verb, what is the action that the verb describes… (note) "it"="MOO kiss"
FTF: it isn't a verb, it is a pronoun!
GFP: I told you.... "it"="MOO kiss"
FTF: well if you're asking what a MOO kiss is, its a kiss... *looks at you oddly for not getting that*
GFP: well DUH!! I got that much… what KIND of kiss??
FTF: a MOO kiss!
GFP: I KNEW IT!!!… I KNEW you'd say that!
FTF: well if you knew the answer why did you ask?
GFP: I knew you say it, but I HOPED you say more… care to expand on that a little
FTF: that is also a pronoun
GFP: what exactly does a MOO kiss involve, that makes it different from a regular kiss
FTF: well MOO kiss only has 7 letters.... regular kiss has 11... they both have a space though
GFP: *glares at you*… you KNOW what I meant… NOT grammatically, what exactly does a MOO kiss involve, that makes it different from a regular kiss…what actions… *pokes you*
FTF: *tries to poke you back but hindered by restraint jacket*
GFP: why aren't you answering my question?
FTF: you poke me and then demand a response???… I got distracted!
GFP: uh huh...sure
FTF: *rolls eyes* your question?
GFP: NOT grammatically, what exactly does a MOO kiss involve, that makes it different from a regular kiss, what actions
FTF: ohhhh well it involves one person kissing another person in a MOO kiss like way
GFP: and what exactly IS a MOO kiss like way??
FTF: a way that is one person kissing another person...
GFP: ok....but HOW is the person kissing the other (OTHER than just in a MOO kiss way)
FTF: well they wouldn't be kissing the person in a way other than a MOO kiss way or it wouldn't be a MOO kiss!
GFP: yes what what IS a MOO kiss way?…. *doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at this point* FTF: a way that a person kisses another person that is different than a regular kiss
GFP: could I have a bit more detail to the answer please???
FTF: which one?
GFP: either or all of your last three
FTF: hmmm well I really don't know how I could give more detail.... I mean, they're self explanatory
GFP: no, no they're not… I was hoping for a more detailed description of the actions involved in a MOO kiss
FTF: ahhh hope
GFP: *tightens the straps on yout straight jacket and walks out of the room*
FTF: *pulls a Houdini and tip toes in after you* BOO!
GFP: *knocks you down and hogties you, before tickling you mercilessly* you know this could ALL be avoided if you would just answer my question the way I want it answered
FTF: where in the world is the fun in that???
GFP: ok...fine *resumes tickling you*… *begs you to answer his question*… *pouts*
FTF: *considers if you're prostrate enough*
GFP: well??? *begs and pouts some more*
FTF: a hole that holds water.
GFP: fine...be that way then
FTF: *nods* I yam what I yam
GFP: *turns away from you, ignoring everythign you say… whistles to himself*
FTF: *yawn*
GFP: ready to answer my question yet??
FTF: yes
GFP: ok.... so..
FTF: I did
GFP: not THAT question
FTF: you said question... you didn't say WHICH question!
GFP: hmm...maybe the question I've been asking all night
FTF: well you've asked several questions!
GFP: yes, but all centering around one common theme
FTF: yes, nouns, pronouns, verbs.. quite common
GFP: no...more specific than that
FTF: well all your questions had one or more of those, so I don't know how I can get more specific!
GFP: hmm.... maybe by looking at more than just the type of word it is
FTF: well I don't know how much deeper you can go with it
GFP: well see I asked you what a MOO kiss is… now...ignoring the type of word… what's the definition of a MOO kiss, and be a specific as possible
FTF: now, this is a different question... you asked if I was ready to answer your question and I did and now you want MORE?
GFP: no, that's the question that I wanted answered
FTF: but YOU weren't specific!
GFP: well I figured you'd know what I was talking about considering that I've been asking about it all night
FTF: ah, yes, but you've also been asking me the same general question and getting the run around, so why would THAT question be answered any different?
GFP: well I kinda hoped that eventually the run around would stop
FTF: I'm sitting!
GFP: so...what question would I have to ask to get a STRAIGHT answer out of you?
FTF: well all words have curves
GFP: not all of them… “will” has no curves
FTF: well I personally don't have a flat screen!
GFP: ok...well then not srtaight as in "no curves", straight as in "no run around
FTF: but I'm sitting
GFP: ok... VERBAL run around
FTF: but I'm not speaking
GFP: you KNOW what I mean
FTF: but that's not what you're asking
GFP: yes it is… you're just choosing to ignore how I mean it
FTF: no no, I'm not ignoring that at all
GFP: oh?? then what're you doing?
FTF: thinking of exactly how you mean it and then answering what you're asking
GFP: yeah well...I'll never be able to word it exactly right, so I might as well just give up
FTF: what happened to hope?
GFP: what can I say...you've thouroghly thrashed it
FTF: it?
GFP: you can be a royal pain sometimes do you know that
FTF: yes, yes I do *bows proudly*
GFP: well as long as we're clear on that
FTF: that... also a pronoun
GFP: *rolls his eyes at you*
FTF: ewwwwwwwwww! *tosses them back*
GFP: *throws his hands in the air totally exasperated*…. *waits for the smart ass comment that's sure to ensue*
FTF: what is it with you and tossing your body parts around as though its nothing… *hopes she didn't dissappoint!*
GFP: well that all depends on what you thing of as being something that would disappoint… I'm mean just maybe I was hoping to be wrong… but then maybe I was hoping to be right… or maybe even just plain not hoping for anything at all
FTF: *shrug* either way, I'm having fun
GFP: glad one of us is… unless you call pulling your hair out fun
FTF: well I don't want MY hair pulled out!
GFP: well you know...you COULD actually be NICE to me for just a little time and tell me what I've been wanting to know all night
FTF: my name is Rebecca
GFP: I already knew that
FTF: *shrug* is there NO pleasing you?
GFP: yes there is and it very easy to, as long as your goal isn't to be a total pain

FTF: total pain? I was hoping for excruciating
GFP: it's getting there… I've actually noticed a headache coming on since we've been talking
FTF: since we've been or BECAUSE we've been?
GFP: could you PLEASE answer that one particular question before you leave???
FTF: yes *grin*
GFP: ok... fine then.... good night
FTF: NITE! *MOO KISS!!!*

1 comment:

Mamawheelie said...

The * comments are called "emotes", just so you know. :)

I think I spent much too much time on the MUD... *think* Nah! I don't know if that's possible. I still think in code now and again, though I admit to being quite rusty.

And that whole Moo Kiss thing is a bit disturbing, probably mostly due to the fact that I actually know what a Moo Kiss is! :D